February 9, 2011

Love and let go

Live and Let go, Love and let go(<<~~ That was actually a mistype but I liked it once I re-read it) I am not going into details, because it is too deep and there is just no need but I need to learn to let go. I hold on to things a little too tight and a little too long. It is time to set it free. I would have a lot less stress, it almost makes me wonder if I can let it go because then what would I worry about. As I type this I am literally tearing up, it is too much to hold on to anymore. I have tried before but this time I am really really going to try and be done with it. Little man needs me 100% and if my mind is on other things, I may miss something really great in his life. So I am D-O-N-E. I am not going to worry anymore, I am leaving it with the Lord, he will take it from me,
 "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace which exceeds anything we can understand." Philippians 4:6-7
I am going to focus on making Noah's life all that it can be and all that mine wasn't. That way I hopefully won't look back and think "look at all that time I wasted in his life". And when he is older, I want him to remember me as the fun loving mom that I want to be, not the worrisome person that I loathe.
I am going to focus also on my relationship with this awesome, understanding, caring, funny man God has put in my life. I truly believe that he was made for me. He is everything I need in a spouse and couldn't have hand picked someone better.
And first and foremost I am going to focus on my relationship with God, I wouldn't say that I was brought up in church. There are those that were in church the first week of their lives and pretty much were there every time the doors were open...that was not me. We went to church sometimes but it was definitely not an every week thing and for the most part not even an every month or year thing. I was saved in 7th grade and got baptized when I was 22, 5 months after Allen and I got married. God placed a lot of special people in my life to teach me about him and ultimately bring me closer to him. I love that about God!
We are striving to make our home a Godly home and for Noah to grow up more like Allen did, involved in church and knowing He is The One. We have found a church home and we are really happy there. I am so excited because as horrible as this makes us sound, there are no more discussions on Saturday nights about whether we are going to church or not, we just both know we are going. And the best part is, we want to.
I love where my life is going. It doesn't matter where I came from, it matters where I go. And right now I really love where I am headed.

One of the first Pictures taken of us. 7 years ago!!

I love him!

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